Eduardo The Penguin

Back before there were computers, Internet, electricity, or even humans, there once was a Penguin name Eduardo.

Let us take a journey back in time, let us become Eduardo.

…
Dramatic fade
…

The sun slowly rose across the Antarctic, while Eduardo rose with, just as slowly.

Eduardo had few philosophies in life, one of them, was to sleep. He would often awake much later than his fellow penguins, but this did not bother him, for, honestly, he had nothing important to do. The fish will be there when he woke, every day. His fellow penguins had his back when it came to predators.

Today was no different to any other day.

After doing his morning yoga stretches, because Penguins invented yoga, did you know that?

When photographers came in later centuries, they learnt the ancient art of yoga from the penguins.

But we are talking about Eduardo, not yoga.

After his yoga session, Eduardo preened himself. “I must always look nice for the lady penguins” and did they swoon when Eduardo waddled past, which he made sure he did as frequently as possible.

Some penguins called Eduardo vain but he cared not.

After his preening, Eduardo jumped into the ocean, looking for some breakfast.

He swam around, ignoring the other penguins as they also hunted, they wouldn’t share anyway, because they dislike his sleeping habits, looking for some tasty tasty fish.

After a while, Eduardo had failed to catch any fish!

He was starting to get hungry, and a little worried. There was always fish!

Eduardo stopped for a moment to look around, when he noticed, he was all alone.

There were no other penguins around, which meant…

Eduardo quickly spun around and there looming in front of him was…

A T-REX IN A DIVING SUIT!

The most feared of all land yet surprisingly underwater based hunters!

Eduardo had to think fast

Land held no safety for him, as the t-rex can follow him, yet he was not safe at all in the water.

So, Eduardo did the only thing left to him.

He dived down.

Down

Down

Down

Hoping to catch the t-rex by surprise so he can slip away.

Swimming fast, Eduardo was thankful for his yoga stretches this morn.

After a while, Eduardo looked back, to notice, much to his dismay! The T-rex right behind him!

“How is this possible?” Eduardo thought “His tiny arms should not allow him to swim as fast as me!”

Next thing he knew! He was caught up in those tiny tiny arms!

Eduardo struggled!

He squirmed!

He twisted!

He..! He…

He wasn’t dead?

He..

He was…

Being Hugged?

The t-rex roared a friendly roar

And hugged Eduardo close.

Eduardo looked up and asked the t-rex “You want a friend? Not lunch?”

The t-rex responded with an “Of course! If I wanted lunch, I would have gone into town and gotten a burger!”

Eduardo squirmed “uhh buddy, you are squeezing me pretty hard”

“Oh I am SOOOO sorry” replied the T-rex and promptly released him

“So, want the grand tour of underwater? Seems though you kinda don’t live here?” asked Eduardo.

“I would love it!”

And so Eduardo Showed the T-rex around

They saw the great ice bergs! The coral! Chatted with other penguins!

But alas, towards the end of the day, the T-rex sighed.

“I am almost out of oxygen my friend; it is time for me to return to the forests of my home.

Please, may I visit you again?”

Eduardo replied “But of course my dear friend! But first! You haven’t even told me your name”

“I am Emma, and you are?”

“I am Eduardo”

“Well Eduardo, fare thee well, I shall spread a good word among the other T-rex about you and your kin!”

“Good bye Emma!”

And so, Emma to T-rex swam away.

This is how all T-rex became fast friends with the penguins

For Eduardo swam home and told the story over, and over, spreading to good word of the T-rex Emma.

The T-rex protected the penguins, Have you ever seen a T-rex crash tackle a Killer Whale? It is a sight to behold.

This friendship held until the day the dinosaurs died…

Which was actually the next year, so ultimately, the friendship wasn’t that long…

Except for one T-rex, who was swimming under the Antarctic when the meteor hit.

To this day, Emma the T-rex lives with the penguins, swimming and fishing, living in bliss as the last of her kind.

Eduardo you ask?

Oh he went on to become the official liaison between Penguins and T-rex.

Which suited him just fine, He could preen, and T-rex also liked sleeping in.

The End

Same Sex Marriage

This whole “Same sex” marriage thing has gotten out of hand.
Listen to me closely, I am not saying that same sex partners shouldn’t be married. What I’m saying is that few people deserve to be married.
You argue about it ruining the sanctity of marriage? Look at the definition of marriage, The institution we know as the Government has already destroyed it.
Now, don’t quote me on this, I don’t have my bible on me, but I’m pretty sure that the bible quotes marriage as a union between a man and a women in the eyes of God. There it is. Look at it closely. The entire structure of my argument is based on this line. Pretty poor considering I don’t even know if it’s completely correct, but the gist is there.
Now, you think I’m going to pull apart the man and a woman part, don’t you? Good joke. No, I’m not going to attack that one like every other conservative religious man (woman). No. What I am attacking is “in the eyes of God”. How many of you “Married” people truly believe in God?
There’s nothing wrong with it, but truthfully now.
In the eyes of the government, to be “Married” there must be a registered Marriage Celebrant to preside over the ceremony. In fact, there doesn’t even need to be a ceremony, just paper work. Not a priest. Now, how was that not damaged the “Sanctity of Marriage”? As a “People” we didn’t have a say in it. So why cannot 2 men or 2 women sit down and sign this piece of paper together. God has nothing to do with it anymore. I vote, Legally, we remove all traces of “Marriage” and “God” from the event. Call all of them, same or different sex unions, “Civil Unions”. Let the Christians have a religious wedding and a priest declare them married, let any two human being sign that piece of paper to be in a Civil Union. Separate State and Religion. We are a multi-cultural country, so why can’t we accept different sub-cultures? This is the most logical path, why are we not taking this?
Vote 1 Civil Union, for all.

The Great Crusade of 2001

The lightning split the sky, dark clouds threatening to break at any moment. the light from the sun, diffused from noon to an almost dusk like feel. Through this storm, Jim must walk. But this was nothing new to Jim, He’d been walking since the incident. Almost 20 years ago now. Jim hitched his bag up on his shoulders, flicked his hoop up, checked his side arm, and started again. The valley through which Jim was passing, contained few remnants of society of the world that had been. Practically untouched. Jim had no destination, or a beginning really.

“20 Years.” Jim thought, “20 Years…”

Only his meticulous time keeping to tell him the date. September 11.
The beginning of it all.
Oh sure there had been other incidents before this one, but that one, that was the one that really hit home.

The spark to the tinder pile

The great crusade of 2001.

After the attack on the World Trade Towers, the American society went insane. Everyone with arms, rose up. The government fell under a violent rebellion from the American people. All military decor went out the window, Generals ordering the soldiers to kill superiors, several attempts at a hostile takeover from within tried, and failed. Society crumbled.

The UN tried to step in. But as it seemed, the majority of its military strength was the American military anyway. So few men were sent over.

Among them, Jim. member of the SAS in the Australian military

Small squads of specially trained troopers were sent in the assess the situation, and make a get a quick evac. 20 of such teams were dropped around continental US. Squad 04. Dubbed “The Wallabies”, due to their Australian roots, and their habit to get in and out quickly, was dropped into Washington DC. All went according to plan.

They where to ship in under the cover of the night, spend a few days recconing the area, and ship out again. All until they were at the boat, ready to leave. A band of red necks intercepted them on their way to the boat.
Well, intercepted is a little of an understatement. Ambushed is more appropriate.

The sarge went down in a flurry from the first rednecks rifle, well trained reflexes kicked in. After a fierce fire fight, only Jim remained. 4 of the best SAS soldiers, killed by a crew of toughs.

“Fuck these Americans”

Jim thought

But orders came first. grabbing the intel from his team mate, Jim moved to the boat, only to find it had been destroyed in the fire fight. Due to the sensitivity of the missions, the teams were not equipped with radios, or even emergency evac plans.
Stranded.

That was 19 years ago. Since then, Jim has been wandering continental US, looking for a working radio, Internet, phone towers, anything. After 5 years, some big wig got the bright idea to start organising people in to groups.
The anarchy of the US was complete.

7 Years in, the “USA”, what the loosely banded together roughs called themselves, launched an offensive. What they called, “Great great Crusade of 2001”, which was interesting, because it was actually 2008.
But no one knew the date anymore.
No one but Jim.

The great crusade was a massive offensive, with the power of the remanent of the American military, the “USA” invaded the middle east. “For revenge on the attacks on the United States Of America”. Or so they told everyone.

After 13 years, the attempted invasion is still going ahead. with no order or structure to the attacks, the USA fell quickly to their middle eastern combatants.

Entire generations have been born and died in this isolated world of “USA”. The UN stopped its relief efforts, the sheer scale of it was too much. Now even the most wild of jungles in the Afrikaans are more civilised than the “USA”.

And through all this, Jim keep walking

The Dark clouds finally broke. Jim sticks to the walls of the valley for some cover, and on he walks. No purpose. No destination. He has long given up on returning the now useless intel to the UN.

But he still carries it, along with his team mates dog tags. And he never forgets.

Jim looks up, and thinks, not for the first time, or last time, “Man, I wish I had eaten that burrito before we shipped out”.

The end.

The Story of Joe

The story of Joe
Joe was a knight in a foreign land of Toodooledoo.
he was his prince’s “goto” man for beat slayings
beast*
actually, no, I’m gonna leave it “beat”
Joe was a revolutionary of his time
he had, in his own words “Some phat beats for the kingdom”
During great feasts and celebrations, one the atendees are suitably beveraged on the fine wine that was flowing, the prince would call a pon Joe
“Joe”, he proclaimed. “Release the totally Phat Beats and insane drops in the lute plaiying method of Stepped Dub”
So Joe took up his Axe
strummed it a few times
tuned it up a little
then put it back down
then walked over to his fully sick mixing desk in the corner
turned the volume up to 11
and proceeded to blast the walls down with his new tunes
All the wenches bodices ripped themselves off, the men started…well, i;ll leave that to your imagination
at the end of the last song, the prince stood up and said
“Fuck you Joe! You runined my castle!” Gesturing to his once virgin daughter “And that audio has defiled my Beutiful daughter! You must marry her! It is the only honorable thing to do!”
And this is how Joe went from a Knight to a king
The end

Frank and the Unicorn

there was once a man named Frank
He was an ordinary man, an accountant for a large law frim in NYC
5 days a week of 9-5 work days
His life was going no where, He lived in a 2 roomed apartment on 36th floor
Each night after getting home from work he would crack a beer infront of his TV and eat home delivered thai food
One night, at approx. 4 AM in the morning, Frank hears a sound coming from the other room.
Now, Frank isn’t a fit man, or infact, strong in anyway. But he looks around for something to use to protect himself.
a table lamp it is
Clasping the tablelamp tightly in his sweaty palms, he steps out of his room
He looks around.
Nothing
The TV still showing latenight reruns, beer bottles all over the place. Nothing odd
He sighs to himself
false alarm
until frank thinks.
“I turned off the TV…”
Whirling around, raising the tablelamp into a vagely ready/threatening position Frank re-asses the room
Still nothing out of the ordinary
He steps around the couch
and to his infinate surprise. laying there, on his couch,
was a unicorn
Frank drops the tablelamps and screams
The unicorn leaps up into the air, calling in some strange language
not human, not anything that this of this world should ever hear
Frank fell to the floor, clasping his ears.
The unicorn spun and charge the prone Frank, impaling the man with its solitary horn
When the police find him 5 days later, his death is put down to a break and enter gone wrong. The only thing missing from the apartment was the old TV set and Franks collection of “late night with david lettermann” DVDs.
The end

Tech Page

Righty oh guys, here it is! My AVR projects page.

http://waitwhatquestionmark.wordpress.com/

Check it.

Actually, no.

It will just be eaiser to make a new blog.
Which I will do so.
Keep your eyes pealed!

Fuck off this emo shit.

I actually read what I’ve been posting here, fuck it’s emo.

Its basically the stuff too emo for my facebook.

So.

This is now becomming my tech blog. Projects and what not.

I’m prob gonna loose and gain a reader.

‘Cause we all know, no one actually reads these anyway…

Pendulum

I am but a pendulum,
With a thousand thousand points.
Forever changing.
Always returning to the same point.
Doomed, to one day stop.

Phill Ogden

Manifest

This is a tale of dread and woe
So grab on dear and don’t let go
The skies are dark and the moon is high
Clouds surround us and death is nigh
The forests move and flow about
Shadows dodge and weave with doubt
The path before use is lain bare
Twisting, turning towards the lair
The home of nightmares and shadows borne
The place of many daemon spawn
As we tread this lonesome path
The branches creak and dead souls laugh
They laugh because they see our gain
The gain of torment and eternal pain
A flash of red to our right
Coming towards us a ball of light
Chasing behind us, gaining speed
The shade of our dreams come to heed
The voices, oh the voices, chill the bone
Searching for another life to call their own
Our limbs go heavy, as our speed drops
The beat of our heart all but stops
For standing before us, clad in night
A single uttered syllable holds us tight
Two souls scream from within the one mind
A single body struggles in the bind
All that we have feared I would become
Standing before us, a manifesto of one

Phill Ogden